When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
