He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
