yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
