There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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