i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
time to smoke my breakfast
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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