Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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