Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
