My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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