This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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