I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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