My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
