when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize