So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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