oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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