He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
