I love black thongs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm at about main and main street
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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