i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
