Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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