well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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