pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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