I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
