Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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