Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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