Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
