Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
