Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
