Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
