if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In America we eat man semen.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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