Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
