I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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