Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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