so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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