I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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