i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
