sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
