i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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