i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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