no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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