i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
