also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
