oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
