U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
