while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
