i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
