don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
