it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
