honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
