he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
