hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
