My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
