Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it hurts more in the daytime
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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