I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish there were birth control emojis
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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