i jhust puked up my retainher.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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