i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize