We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
