Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
