Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
