He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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