You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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