So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
