Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
