he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
