it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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