capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
