Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
