I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
