apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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