The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
