please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
