when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
