maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
