someone threw a dead crab at me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
